Another Ordinary Day
by Zwip
Summary: A different take on a common setup. [Epilogue: “Really, Watanuki, your efforts are valiant. You just must understand that in situations like these, it’s impossible for you to win.”]
1. Chapter One

**Fandom:** XXXHOLiC  
**Characters:** Watanuki Kimihiro, Doumeki Shizuka, Kunogi Himawari**  
Chapters:** 1/7  
**Warnings/Ratings:** Lack of coherency.  
**In A Nutshell:** Watanuki had been deceived into thinking it was an ordinary day.**  
Disclaimer:** I don't own Holic.

Watanuki had been deceived into thinking it was an ordinary day. He found this foolish, because he knew there would _never_ be an ordinary day in his life. He was right.

When lunch time finally arrived, he joyously carried the bento over to Doumeki and Himawari. As she thanked him warmly, Doumeki began eating like the ingrate that he was. Then he noticed that Doumeki's bento was looking much too pretty to be the one he had made for him.

"Oh, your lunches are mixed up. Here." He grabbed the boxes from their hands and switched them.

This was where his ordinary day stopped being ordinary, veering around dangerously and heading at two hundred fifty kilometers and hour on the road to horrible.

Doumeki was blinking his eyes incredulously. "Uh… Uhm… Doumeki-kun?" He said, the inquisitive tone stunning Watanuki momentarily.

"Yes, Kunogi, this is a very big problem." As if Doumeki questioning himself with emotion wasn't disturbing enough, Himawari's monotone was utterly shocking. Desperately searching for a conclusion, he came upon one and immediately hated it.

This was a very big problem indeed.

* * *

Here begins my wonderful chapter story. 

Because this was an idea I just couldn't resist.

Thanks to angelofplottwists for attempting to help me name this thing!


	2. Chapter Two

**Fandom:** XXXHOLiC  
**Characters:** Watanuki Kimihiro, Doumeki Shizuka, Kunogi Himawari**  
Chapter:** 2/7  
**Warnings/Ratings:** Lack of coherency.  
**In A Nutshell:** Watanuki had never wished so strongly for school to end.**  
Disclaimer:** I don't own Holic.

"You guys… you've switched bodies, haven't you?" They nodded grimly. After waiting for this to sink in fully, he finally got around to the flailing. "OH MY GOD!" He turned to Doumeki… er… Himawari? Himeki? "Don't worry, Himawari-chan! We'll go to Yuuko's shop right after school and fix this!" Then to Himawari… er… Doumeki? Doumewari? "YOU HAD BETTER NOT EVEN THINK OF DEFILING HER BODY OR I SWEAR I WILL DO HORRIBLE THINGS TO YOU THAT ARE BEYOND THE SCOPE OF YOUR MORTAL IMAGINATION!" To Watanuki's credit, he managed to make him… her? blink.

He turned again to face the both of them. "Okay, you two have to act like each other for the rest of the day. Doumeki, you do know how to smile, right? And Himawari, can you act smug and idiotic?" They stared at him blankly.

Watanuki had never wished so strongly for school to end.

* * *

And so the horror is revealed. 

Stay tuned, I suppose.


	3. Chapter Three

**Fandom:** XXXHOLiC  
**Characters:** Watanuki Kimihiro, Doumeki Shizuka, Kunogi Himawari, Ichihara Yuuko**  
Chapter:** 3/7  
**Warnings/Ratings:** Lack of coherency.  
**In A Nutshell:** It had been a disaster; a total, inescapable disaster. **  
Disclaimer:** I don't own Holic.

It had been a disaster; a total, inescapable disaster. No matter how inevitable it was, with their polar opposite personalities, it was still very, very bad. Himawari couldn't help but be her usual, joyful self, smiling constantly, which had looked absolutely garish on Doumeki's face, and there were rumors involving drug abuse circulating about the school less than an hour after lunch. Doumeki hadn't been much better, his stoic non-expressions coming across awfully in her body.

They met after school by the gate and proceeded walking to Yuuko's shop, Watanuki walking wearily in front, his two troubled friends trailing him. He didn't mind the separation so much, but he did mind the strange conversation that they were having, involving various reactions to the "strange" personalities they had exhibited during the day.

Watanuki brought them into the shop and seated them on the floor, then was off to find Yuuko. By the time he had dragged her off of her chaise and returned to the room they were in, they had progressed to talking about the confusion over their bodies.

"I don't see how you tolerate this," Doumewari said, and, to Watanuki's intolerable, heart-attack inducing horror, began disinterestedly prodding the chest it was now evident that he had been talking about.

While he was still aghast about this action, Himeki spoke up.

"How is it that one… uses the restroom…?" Doumewari actually showed a sign of amusement as Himeki looked simply perplexed.

"Well, you see-"

"NO, NO, THAT'S ENOUGH. SEE, I'VE BROUGHT YUUKO NOW AND SHE'LL FIX IT SO YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT AT ALL!"

Except Yuuko grinned devilishly and Watanuki had a feeling that there would be many things to worry about before this ordeal was over.

* * *

This was the chapter that forced me to write this story. 

All for that little bit of dialogue in there.


	4. Chapter Four

**Fandom:** XXXHOLiC  
**Characters:** Watanuki Kimihiro, Doumeki Shizuka, Kunogi Himawari, Ichihara Yuuko**  
Chapter:** 4/7  
**Warnings/Ratings:** None, really...  
**In A Nutshell:** "This is all, obviously, Watanuki's fault!"**  
Disclaimer:** I don't own Holic.

"So you were switching lunches and then found yourselves in each other's bodies?" They nodded. "And Watanuki was the one who actually, physically switched them?" They nodded again. "Well… I have come to a conclusion!"

"You know how to fix it?" Watanuki inquired, eyes gleaming with joy.

Ignoring him, she continued, "This is all, obviously, Watanuki's fault!"

"WHAT?" He squawked.

"Even if you are not aware of it, you did it. Must be some sort of latent psychic power…"

"Is that so?" Doumewari said lightly and uncaringly.

"It is!" Yuuko shouted triumphantly, and Watanuki was sure he could have hit her at that moment.

"So, if you know what it is, are you able to fix it?" Himeki was playing with the edge of her… er… his shirt.

"I can't, but…" She spun around wildly, located Watanuki, and pointed at him. "He can!"

Watanuki, who was holding a tray of snacks, nearly dropped them all. "WHAT? WHY?!"

"Because it's your fault, naturally!"

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT!"

* * *

... I honestly have nothing to say. 

See you soon, I suppose?


	5. Chapter Five

**Fandom:** XXXHOLiC  
**Characters:** Watanuki Kimihiro, Doumeki Shizuka, Kunogi Himawari, Ichihara Yuuko**  
Chapter:** 5/7  
**Warnings/Ratings:** Entirely dialogue.  
**In A Nutshell:** "Life is unlikely."**  
Disclaimer:** I don't own Holic.

"I still don't believe you."

"You don't have to."

"It just seems so… unlikely."

"Life is unlikely."

"I know it is! I'm just saying that is seems like you made it all up!"

"That is for you to decide."

"You're not even denying it!"

"Since this is your only hope, I don't have to."

"ARGH. I DISLIKE YOU GREATLY, YUUKO-SAN, AND IF I WEREN'T YOUR EMPLOYEE, I WOULD SAY A LOT MORE ON THAT SUBJECT."

"I know."

"STOP PATRONIZING ME!"

"Never!"


	6. Chapter Six

**Fandom:** XXXHOLiC  
**Characters:** Watanuki Kimihiro, Doumeki Shizuka, Kunogi Himawari, Ichihara Yuuko, Mokona Modoki**  
Chapter:** 6/7  
**Warnings/Ratings:** None.  
**In A Nutshell:** He closed his eyes and waited for the impact.**  
Disclaimer:** I don't own Holic.

"That's all we have to do?" Himeki asked brightly. Watanuki shuddered. Yuuko nodded. "That's good!"

"But if you don't have it timed correctly, it won't work and you'll have to do it over again!" Watanuki could both grin stupidly and grimace at this.

"Let's get it over with, then," Doumewari's monotone cut through the air, but Watanuki couldn't bear to yell at him while he was in _that_ body.

It was obvious that the faster this was over, the better.

"ALRIGHT! POSITION YOURSELVES!" Mokona cried from _atop Watanuki's head_. "THREE… TWO… ONE!" He closed his eyes and waited for the impact.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Fandom:** XXXHOLiC  
**Characters:** Watanuki Kimihiro, Doumeki Shizuka, Kunogi Himawari, Ichihara Yuuko, Mokona Modoki**  
Chapter:** 7/7  
**Warnings/Ratings:** None.  
**In A Nutshell:** Well, there went a good deal of fantasizing.**  
Disclaimer:** I don't own Holic.

Watanuki thought that this was probably somewhat akin to the feeling of getting hit by two cars at once, because, apparently, both of his friends were terrible kissers.

Well, there went a good deal of fantasizing.

Their lips collided messily and painfully with his cheeks, thanks to the "helpful" pushes administered by Maru and Moro. A flash of light exploded in the room, and then, Watanuki hoped, everything was back to normal.

Doumeki straightened himself, stoic non-expression returned to his face. "Hn. I hadn't expected it to work."

Himawari looked very relieved to be back in her own body, but turned to Yuuko worriedly after a few moments. "Um… what is the price, Yuuko-san?"

"Don't worry, Himawari-chan. It has already been taken care of." Himawari and Doumeki were then "cordially escorted out," which included a good deal of brute force courtesy of the twins.

"Yuuko-san," he said as the placed diced vegetables in a pan, beginning dinner, "What exactly were you paid?"

"You'll find out soon enough!" The drunken, lilting voice drifted into the kitchen, and although he was in front of a hot stove, Watanuki couldn't help but shiver.

* * *

It's ended. Mostly. 


	8. Epilogue

**Fandom:** XXXHOLiC  
**Characters:** Watanuki Kimihiro, Doumeki Shizuka, Kunogi Himawari, Ichihara Yuuko, Mokona Modoki**  
Chapter:** Epilogue  
**Warnings/Ratings:** None.  
**In A Nutshell:** "Really, Watanuki, your efforts are valiant. You just must understand that in situations like these, it's impossible for you to win."**  
Disclaimer:** I don't own Holic.

"Yuuko-san! I can't go! I don't want to die!" He was wailing, and as entertaining as it was, she absolutely _needed_ that balloon. It was, after all, shiny. And made of magic powerful enough to break your spine if you touched it incorrectly, which was why she was sending Watanuki after it.

She elegantly rose from her chaise and went to the storeroom. There, she retrieved a dark blue box from a dark corner of a nearly-empty shelf. She opened the box, slipped out the necessary object, and returned it to its place on the shelf, where it was barely noticeable.

"Watanuki, do you still decline to agree reasonably about this?" She queried, undertones of excitement in her voice.

"If that's what you call reasonable, then I suppose not." It sounded strained. He was probably standing on a chair and attempting to dust the top of the tall shelf that he was always glaring at so disapprovingly. Sweeping into the room, she saw she was correct.

Well, she always was, wasn't she?

"I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this…" He could tell solely by her tone that she was, indeed, hoping to do whatever it was that she was about to spring onto him.

As he turned around to yell at her properly, he was met with an awful photograph. He lost his balance and tipped over, falling onto something undeniably… squishy.

"WAAH! Watanuki has crushed Mokona!" The squishy thing cried, and he scrambled off of it to find that it was, in fact, Mokona. Turning around to exit the room, he ran into that terrible photo again, this time with the backdrop of a leering Yuuko.

"I THOUGHT THAT WAS _MAGIC_, NOT A CAMERA FLASH!"

"HOHOHO! You thought wrong! And if you keep thinking wrong, this picture will have to be seen in some very dark corners of the internet!"

"WHAT?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

"Watch me!" She twirled around and waltzed over to her computer. "I can also add a few… embellishments." At this, Watanuki jolted up and snatched the photograph from her, just as she brought the picture's file up on her computer.

"Really, Watanuki, your efforts are valiant. You just must understand that in situations like these, it's impossible for you to win." He slumped visibly.

"Okay Yuuko-san. I'll do it." As he stood in the doorway, he called out, "Will I need Doumeki?"

She smirked and called back, "Yes. Yes you will."


End file.
